You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
