i think i have herpe
just one?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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