Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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