Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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