sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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