why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I smell like Dick and happiness
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
