I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize