I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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