I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
