How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
