Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
