im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
