Plan B is the new Plan A
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
