Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
