Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
