I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
