Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
