new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
