my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
