Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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