I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
