There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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