I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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