for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
