Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
