i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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