she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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