Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Non-Jews are for practice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
