My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
