It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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