Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
