I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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