I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
