ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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