I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
