I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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