hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
