And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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