I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
