she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
