WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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