Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
