We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
