You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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