I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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