I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
