HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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