I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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