I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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