the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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