the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
