is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
