thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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