At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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