I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
