He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
