I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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