Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
