If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would ride that face into the sunset
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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